Both
chassan and
kallah should increase their distribution of
tzedakah in the days immediately preceding their wedding.
For a week before their wedding,
chassan and
kallah refrain from meeting, even during the day.
(Sefer HaMinhagim, p. 75)
The Rebbe once said that for the same reason that
chassan and
kallah refrain from meeting during the week of their wedding, they should also refrain from speaking on the phone during that week.
(Kovetz Binyan Adei Ad, p. 20)
The Rebbe, my father-in-law, issued a directive that several days prior to his wedding - he did not indicate how many days - a
chassan should not be alone for reasons of
shemirah (guarding, protection) [from an
ayin hara and the like].
In Pirkei d'Rebbe Eliezer (conclusion of Chapter 16) it states that the chassan should not be alone. However, it seems that the reason there is for the intent of honor (kavod), something that applies after he is married.
From the Rebbe, however, I heard that the chassan is also not to be alone several days prior to the marriage as well, for reasons of shemirah.
(Likkutei Sichos, Vol. I, p. 52)
Reb Shmuel Levitin, of blessed memory, once asked the Rebbe whether
chassanim may guard each other.
The Rebbe replied that it depends on whether the reason for guarding the chassan was for the sake of shemirah [from an ayin hara, mazikim, and the like], or for the purpose of honor, since "A chassan is similar to a king."
If for the latter reason, chassanim may not guard each other. If for the former reason, one chassan may guard the other.
(Introduction to Mekadeish Yisrael)[2]
The Rebbe once told a
chassan during a
Yechidus that he should study the wedding customs in
Igros Levi Yitzchak[3] that relate to the Rebbe's wedding and the preparations thereto.
[4]
In the days prior to the wedding, both
chassan and
kallah should review the pertinent laws of marriage, so as to assure that none of the detailed laws have been forgotten.
They are also to make sure to study those additional marriage laws that they have yet to study.
The Rebbe once told a
chassan during a
Yechidus that several days prior to his wedding he was to review - in greater depth than the first time - the pertinent chapters in
Reishis Chochmah.
[6]
The
chassan is called to the Reading of the Torah on the
Shabbos before the wedding.
Since a chassan and kallah maintain the world in existence because they will bring up children who will engage in the study of Torah, a chassan is called to read the letters of the Torah which sustain the ten creative utterances [by which G-d continually brings the world into existence].[7]
(Sefer HaMinhagim, p. 75)
The
Zohar[8] writes concerning
Shabbos that "from it all the days are blessed": all the days of the week derive their blessing and vitality from the preceding
Shabbos.
Indeed, this is one of the reasons for the custom whereby before his wedding a chassan is called to the Torah not on the nearest preceding day on which the Torah is read,[9] but specifically on the preceding Shabbos[10] - for Shabbos encapsulates all the days of the week that are blessed through it.
... Being called to the Reading of the Torah draws down an additional measure of the everlasting vitality of kedushah. (This occurs over and beyond the kedushah that is spontaneously elicited by the Shabbos day itself, which is[11] "sanctified in and of itself.")
This additional measure of the everlasting vitality of kedushah is hinted at in the wording of the blessing recited at the conclusion of each aliyah: "...and planted eternal life within us."
This takes place by virtue of what is said in the preceding phrase: "He has given us the Torah of truth." For true, uninterrupted life ("eternal life") is possible by virtue of kedushah ("the Torah of truth"), which is infinite.
Being called to the Torah on the Shabbos before a wedding thus lends strength to the wedding, so that the home being built will indeed be a[12] binyan adei ad - "an everlasting edifice," with[13] dor yesharim yevorach - "blessed with a generation of righteous offspring," with children and children's children occupied in Torah and mitzvos. For, as is well known,[14] in this way the power of the Infinite One becomes manifest in finite created beings.
(Toras Menachem - Hisvaaduyos, Vol. I., pp. 119-125)
Even greater power is lent to one who is privileged to have been called to the Reading of the Torah in the room in which my revered father-in-law, the Rebbe
[Rayatz], prayed and studied; this is the room in which he formed a bond with the
yechidah - the innermost nucleus of the soul - of every single Jew whom he received at
yechidus.
This privilege even further enhances the "eternal life that [G-d] planted within us"; life that is true and uninterrupted, because it is imbued with holiness, which is infinite.
(Toras Menachem - Hisvaaduyos, Vol. I, p. 125)
... So, too, in the
minyan of the Alter Rebbe - and he was always the Torah reader - they did not add to the seven
aliyos - even on a
Shabbos of a wedding.
If, however, it is very necessary to do so on a Shabbos of a wedding, then this can be done by having the additional people do their own reading.
(Likkut Yud-Daled Kislev, p. 115)[15]
Once, when a
chassan was unable to have an
aliyah on the
Shabbos preceding his wedding, the Rebbe directed that he receive an
aliyah the following Monday.
[16]
(Kovetz Binyan Adei Ad, p. 21)
Notes:
- (Back to text) See there footnote 11.
- (Back to text) Soon to be published by Kehot. In light of the above two citations, it would seem that prior to their marriage, chassanim may serve as shomrim for each other.
- (Back to text) Likkutei Levi Yitzchak, Likkutim-Igros, p. 206ff.
- (Back to text) Related by Rabbi Leibel Groner.
- (Back to text) See source cited there.
- (Back to text) As related in a Teshurah.
- (Back to text) Derushei Chassunah, 5689 (reprinted in Sefer HaMaamarim - Kuntreisim, Vol. I, p. 19, see there at length).
- (Back to text) II, 63b; 88a. In the original Aramaic, minei misbarchin kulhu yomin.
- (Back to text) Such as Monday or Thursday.
- (Back to text) See also Sefer HaMaamarim - Kuntreisim, Vol. I, p. 19.
- (Back to text) Beitzah 17a.
- (Back to text) From the Seven Blessings pronounced under the chuppah. See Likkutei Torah, Parshas Pekudei, p. 4d ff.; and elsewhere.
- (Back to text) Tehillim 112:2.
- (Back to text) See Sefer HaMaamarim 5657 [1897], p. 176ff.; and elsewhere.
- (Back to text) Responsa of the Tzemach Tzedek, Orach Chayim 47c. See there at length.
- (Back to text) He was also - as is the custom - bombarded with candies.
Wedding Preparations