1

Concerning that which I wrote that your quest for a shidduch must be etc. - my intent is simple:

Unfortunately, some circles have permitted themselves matters that are completely unacceptable, with the excuse that this is being done as part of finding a proper match. In actuality, in Eretz Yisrael many shidduchim are completed in a manner of proper tznius, and the couples are extremely happy both spiritually and physically.

Excerpt from Igros Kodesh, Vol. XIX, p. 103

2

In response to your letter of Rosh Chodesh Iyar in which you write about the sudden change in attitude toward you from your prospective match, this having taken place after having already met many times, and you wonder what caused this.

All particular matters that transpire with Jews have a Torah and inner spiritual reason as their root cause, i.e., [when something untoward happens] one's conduct was not in keeping with the dictates of our holy Torah. Since this matter has practical consequences, it is necessary to clearly state the facts in order to know how to rectify the situation: your meetings were unfortunately contrary to Torah dictates, and unfortunately not always in a manner of tznius.

It is difficult to write these words, particularly when every person is to be judged favorably and given the benefit of the doubt. However, as stated above, since such an important matter hangs in the balance, it is not at all useful not to state the facts. This becomes even clearer from the results of such behavior: distancing came about as a result of prohibited closeness.

Excerpt from Igros Kodesh, Vol. XV, p. 113